That's What She Said.

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Ugh.

BARNEY, wtf. You have been watching the plutocracy conspire with wrongheaded contempt for Big Government to sow the seeds of this crisis for your entire fucking career. You sat powerless while Greenspan calmly told you the trillion dollars worth of systemic risk the Fed had so heroically averted by the LTCM bailout could in no way be taken as a sign of the moral hazards of allowing financiers to “self-regulate” complex derivatives securities when the fearsome specter of CONTRACT LAW was upon them. You sat powerless while homeownership swelled from 64 to 71 percent even as corporations moved every last industry with any record of facilitating class moblity to other countries. When it all came crashing down in a Hobbean fit of naked short-selling, collateral-calling, speculation and panic you held your nose and pledged trillions of dollars to save the financial system from collapse. You held your nose when Obama picked that underminery little twerp Tim Geithner over your Republican friend Sheila Bair as Treasury Secretary even that you knew no one at the New York Fed had ever shown any sign of having the faintest notion what it actually meant to serve the public. You invited wonks and eggheads to your committee all crisis and let Waxman play bad cop with Dick Fuld and his ilk because that’s not your style. Joseph Cassano and Jimmy Cayne and Alan Greenspan and Bob Rubin and David Rubin and Stan O’Neal and Angelo Mozilo and Dick Fucking Grasso and the rest of the villains are rich and free and the auto companies and underwater homeowners and clean coal plants can somehow get vilified for asking for what literally amounts to a few basis points of what it is going to cost to clean up after all of them, and after all this time you’re gonna cede the moral and logical right hand for the satisfaction of unloading on a guy who is making a fucking dollar a year?

Why? The shitheads who made bank off this are hello, NOT FUCKING WORKING AT AIG. Nor, honestly, did most of them ever work at AIG, or else maybe AIG would have thought twice before it wrote a trillion dollar insurance policy on a few thousand soon-to-be crackhouses. AIG obviously had a lot of idiots working there, but we now know who the greediest idiots are. Your job now is to call out the last standing greedy smart guys so that when they say shit like “Nationalization is not the answer” — interesting that your TARP-swilling freshly FDIC-insured zero-exposed-my-ass ass would say such a thing, Lloyd Blankfein! — or “the big problem with the US economy is our current account deficit” — hey, how you figure it got that way, Jamie Dimon? — the country can understand that some smart guys go into big bloated government because if they don’t all the greedy smart guys will invariably get caught up in a race to see who can most violently rape the economy fastest. And yeah, the bonus thing is totally insulting, like making rape victims pay for their rape kits like they do in Wasilla, but hello, the “rape” part is actually a lot worse, even I can admit that, and I guess the point is Ed Liddy DIDN’T RAPE ANYONE.

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